I had to take Brad to the airport this morning at zero-dark-thirty.  I must be one hell of a friend to get up at 0300, get ready for work and take my best friend to the airport so he can catch his 0600 flight.  He, of course, HAD to fly out of Baltimore Washington International (BWI), which is in Maryland, which means that I need to stay at or slightly below the speed limit, lest one of Maryland’s “finest” sees it fit to pull me over and ass rape me with a speeding ticket and a hefty fine.  After all, Maryland needs its revenue!

This leads me through the following thought process:  What if no one sped… at all?  Statistical and logical impossibility, but so what?  It’s early, and my brain isn’t able to wrap itself about the reality of having had to wake up at 0300 this morning.  What happens if people just stop driving and start walking, running, roller blading or biking everywhere?  How much would state revenue drop if the authoritarian swine couldn’t ticket motorists for exceeding ridiculously low and unnecessary speed limits?

Well, in an entrepreneurial world such as ours, other sources of revenue would be immediately developed.


…this week, [Chicago] city officials warned that they would step up enforcement of bike laws as gasoline prices and environmental concerns lead to more bikes sharing city roads. Visiting three of Chicago’s most bike-heavy neighborhoods, police officers and representatives from the city’s Bicycle Ambassadors program stopped and warned cyclists who broke the law.

Some laws being highlighted—such as the requirement that cyclists use head lamps at night—might strike even seasoned cyclists as a surprise. Others—such as the observance of stoplights and the ban on adults riding on sidewalks—are commonly known and frequently flouted.

But while participants in this campaign were merely handing out informational fliers and free accessories, not tickets, the grace period for two-wheel traffic violations may be coming to an end.
The statist pigs in Chicago did just that… under the guise of motor safety, of course.  Here’s the thought process I’m envisioning…

Shit!  Gas prices are at record highs, people aren’t driving as much.  We haven’t given out a ticket for a moving violation in HOURS!  We gotta do something!  We need money!  What can we tax?  Hmmmmm….  Ice cream?  Water sports?  Sleep!  Everyone needs to sleep, right?  Just think of the revenue we could generate if we just taxed anyone who sleeps more than six hours on any given night!  You don’t need more sleep than that!  Well… maybe the peons might rebel at that.. and then there’s that pesky matter of enforcement.  OK.  How about this – we start issuing fines for bikes!  Yeah, that way we can market it as a safety issue!  Perfect! 

I’ve attended enough local government committee meetings as a radio news reporter to come up with this kind of scenario and know that it’s not all too unrealistic!

I’ve ridden a bike all my life.  As a kid, before I was allowed to drive, biking was my primary mode of transportation everywhere I went.  I rode on sidewalks, on busy roadways, on rural roads, and traffic rules were as foreign to me as soap is to a Frenchman.  Somehow I survived, and not one police officer stopped me to issue me a ticket for violating the rules of the road on my three-speed. 

All of a sudden, all rules of the road MUST be vigorously enforced!  After all, it’s a matter of safety…  Give me a friggin’ break!

It’s a matter of revenue – nothing more, nothing less…