Since I’ve spent the entire night doing homework (OK, I did take an hour to chat with Frank on the phone, I’ll admit it.  I needed a break dammit!), after having picked up the Teeny Bopper from practice, made dinner, eaten dinner with the munchkins, discussed the day’s events and supervised cleanup, I think I deserve to rant a bit.

I’m sure that by now, we all heard about Senator Ted Stevens’ (degene-R-ate, AK) little dalliance with corruption… um… I mean his alleged acceptance of a metric fuckload of gifts from an oil contractor… well, I mean his doing “nothing improper.”

Well, the “nothing improper” has apparently been captured on audio.

The FBI’s trove of secretly recorded conversations has already been
the highlight of trials in Alaska, but the size of its collection
against Stevens has until now been unclear. The sometimes-graphic
conversations between hard-drinking oil contractors and corrupt Alaska
politicians helped the Justice Department send three state politicians
to prison.

The calls involving Stevens could be played in court
later this month when the Senate’s longest-serving Republican stands
trial on charges of lying about hundreds of thousands of dollars in
home renovations and other gifts he received from an oil contractor.

The
FBI did not tap Stevens’ phone but did tap several phones belonging to
contractors in the case. Out of 2,800 intercepted phone conversations,
Stevens was recorded 105 times, his attorneys wrote in court documents.

Hey!  That’s, like, less than 4 percent of the conversations!  It’s no big deal! It’s not as bad as the $90,000 William Jefferson had in his freezer, Bucko!  Oh!  There was more than $250,000 in house renovations and gifts that was concealed?  Um…  shit.

Let’s get something straight here.  I don’t give a flying rat’s ass if you’re a Republican, Democrat, Rosicrucian or Seventh Day Adventist.  If you have been elected by the people, given power and authority by the people, and entrusted by the people to represent them honorably, you’d goddamn well better do it!  You are accountable to your constituents, and they expect you to be their honest spokesman in Washington.  The LAST thing they want is you sucking up favors, gifts and cash in exchange for policy that favors your benefactor and may or may not be in the best interest of those to whom you’re actually answerable.

I don’t give a shit if you’ve been in the Senate since before the invention of the cotton gin.  As far as I’m concerned, your longevity makes you the political equivalent of the long-forgotten, mold-covered orange in the back of the refrigerator that one discovers during a long overdue cleaning.  The moment you violate the sacred trust of the people, it’s time for you to get tossed out.

You have no honor, no integrity and no decency.  You think that just because the people are stupid enough to give you their trust over and over and over again, you are entitled to screw them!  You take advantage of their collective gullibility and their naivete, and you express your gratitude by bending them over and making them take it hard up the ass, because it happens to feel good for you.  As long as it pleases you, you’ll do it – regardless of the immoral nature of the act.  Ethics don’t matter.  Values don’t matter.  Decency, honesty and character don’t matter.  All that matters is that you get yours, and FUCK everyone else – especially those who were stupid enough to trust you!

In the Army, we have something called Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage.  We are supposed to live those values in our every day lives.  You’re only loyal to those whom you find financially rewarding.  Your duty is only to those who benefit you.  You have no respect for anyone, except your whims of the moment.  Your service extends only to those who are of use to you.  You’re fraudulent and sleazy, and lacking in both honor and integrity by definition.  And you’re a coward, because you’re too pusillanimous to take responsibility for your actions, fess up to what you’ve done.

In other words, you’re a pathetic excuse for a man, and those who entrusted you with the honor of representing them should be keeping their fingers crossed that you are tossed into the federal penitentiary, where your large, violent prison boyfriend proceeds to use your shriveled scrotal sack to wipe his ass after excreting a particularly foul meal.

Bastard!