Referring to our financial crisis (read: latest excuse for yet more government regulation and taxpayer-funded bailouts to prop up failed policies), President Bush urged Congress to “act fast,” claiming that “Americans are watching to see if Democrats and Republicans, the Congress and the White House, can come together to solve this problem with the urgency it warrants.”

When Bush is talking about solving “this problem,” he’s really talking about sucking up more than $700 BILLION in taxpayer earnings.  That’s right.  More than $700 BILLION.  To do what, you ask?  To bail out companies that made crappy financial decisions – some due to government overregulation, and some not.  To bail out homeowners who spent outside their means.  To give politicians the illusion that they’re actually doing something.  That’s right, folks.  Your so-called “Republican” administration is selling out to the socialists yet again.

The Bush administration will include mortgage aid for homeowners and strong congressional oversight in its $700 billion financial bailout plan, the head of the House Financial Services Committee said Monday.

Here’s how it works, boys and girls. 

  • You get with a mortgage company that is a) required by law not to discriminate against you based on your earnings or ability to repay your loan or b) is just plain greedy and hoping for a taxpayer-funded government bailout at taxpayer expense.
  • You take on a loan that you are a) too stupid to realize that you won’t pay with your McDonald’s cashier salary b) sure you’ll be able to pay given those FAAAAAABULOUS interest rates that will NEVER EVER rise if you get a variable APR!  Really!
  • You default on your loan due to your purchase of too many Hennessy gift packs at the local liquor store and are in danger of losing your home.
  • Your mortgage company begins to lose money, because you’re too a) stupid b) irresponsible to spend within your means.
  • Your mortgage company whines to the government that it needs a bailout.
  • You whine to the government that you need a bailout (only in this instance, you call it a “helping hand” or some other warm, fuzzy term that means your fellow Americans will be forced to rescue your irresponsible ass from the mess you’ve created).
  • Since it’s an election year, the Republican and Democratic whores get together to buy your votes by staging a $700 BILLION rescue operation (of their own quest for political power) in order to appear magnanimous and caring as they fleece your fellow Americans just so you pull the lever for them this fall.
  • Ta Daa!  Your fellow Americans are screwed, you get to keep your home at the expense of everyone who wasn’t a complete douchebag and didn’t spend their money on luxuries they couldn’t afford, including that house that was too expensive for someone earning $3 above minimum wage to pay for, and the politicians get to stay in power for another several years, screwing the taxpayers and enjoying their 150-day work year at their expense.

Quite the trick, eh?

You voted this into office America!  You allowed these socialist douchebags to take over Washington, take over this country and take over your lives.  You did this with your apathy, your complete disregard for freedom and basic economic principles, your desire to allow the government to nanny state you to death.  You did this by not learning, not reading, not caring, and by voting for the lesser of two evils for so long, you can’t even tell the evils apart anymore.  You did this by forgetting the enemy we defeated in the Cold War and by allowing America to become that enemy.  You did this by telling the rest of us year after year that by keeping the allegedly bigger evil out of office, we were somehow doing this country a favor – as if voting for ANY socialist is somehow a desirable thing… as if voting for ANY evil changes the evil’s nature.

As heated debate began on Capitol Hill, Congress and the administration remained at odds over the demands of some lawmakers, including limits on the pay of top executives whose firms seek help, and new authority to allow bankruptcy judges to reduce mortgage payments for borrowers facing foreclosure.

How about this.  We don’t give taxpayer-funded help to these firms and we let the free market work its magic.  I’m fairly sure that their top executives’ pay will be reduced to… say… NOTHING… if the company goes under.  And how about we let borrowers facing foreclosure reap the consequences of their actions, instead of letting politicians and judges ruin banks by forcing them to accept lower payments, lose money and eventually demand for government (read: taxpayer) bailouts.

But our “conservative hero” John McCain thinks that executives whose companies accept taxpayer bailouts should be limited to a paltry $400,000 per year salary.  THAT’ll show those greedy executives!  Save their companies and their asses and relegate them to a paltry $400,000 per year.  Why, that’s as much as the President makes!  That’s sure to cut down on corporate greed and irresponsibility!

Douchebag.

Congressional leaders and Treasury officials also said they were close to an agreement over a proposal by some Democrats in which taxpayers could receive an ownership stake, in the form of warrants to buy stock, from firms seeking to sell distressed debt.

Can someone please explain to me why the taxpayers would want an ownership stake in a failing enterprise?

Despite the progress, the rancor in Congress ratcheted up the pressure on Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke, the architects of the proposal to let financial institutions, including some foreign firms, pass their most distressed assets to the United States Treasury.

Because, obviously the taxpayers can be held collectively liable for the misdeeds, bad judgment, corruption and blatant stupidity on the part of the failed financial institutions, because… why?  Because we can afford it?

Meanwhile, McCain – on whom so many otherwise intelligent people base their fiscally conservative hopes – has decided that “oversight” is necessary – oversight in the form of handing out MORE taxpayer cash to irresponsible homeowners.  THAT’LL show those nasty, irresponsible mortgage companies and corrupt government regulators!

The Arizona senator also called on Congress to move quickly and work with the Bush administration to restore stability to the troubled financial sector. But he said the goal of any action must be to allow homeowners to stay in their homes and prevent Wall Street executives from profiting from a taxpayer bailout.

In other words… we must force financial companies to take a loss that will allow Joe and Jill Voter to stay in their homes, despite the fact that they can’t pay for them, which will likely result in financial problems that will require a taxpayer bailout… um… what???  Hey, it’s election season!  Free money for all!

Officials said there was also a deal to mandate that the government develop a plan to prevent foreclosures by renegotiating any mortgages that it purchases.

Because the markets are eager for a final deal and because Congress is trying to adjourn for the fall elections, lawmakers are bypassing the normal committee process and working toward an agreement in hopes of votes in both chambers within days.

See, it’s much more important to quickly steal the taxpayers’ money and go on break.  That way they won’t know what hit them, and will continue casting their votes for the same, stale lot of Marxists, and by the time they realize it, it’ll be too late!

When some of the brightest economic minds in the country are saying the current “crisis” has by and large been caused by the government (and by the way, I don’t consider real GDP growth, which was forecasted to be 1.8 percent this year, relatively low inflation rates, which experienced a drop in August to 5.4 percent year-on-year, and 6 percent unemployment rates that most nations in the world would give their left tit for an economic “crisis”), can someone please enlighten me as to how more government regulation will save the day?

By the way – the spit take of the morning is this bit by George Will:  Treasury Secretary Paulson, asked about conservative complaints that his rescue program amounts to socialism, said, essentially: This is not socialism, this is necessary.

UPDATE: The ever eloquent Misha has more.  I particularly love this part:

When was the last time that YOU got a share when those corporations that you’re now about to be forced to bail out were turning a profit? Huh?

Then tell me, please, how it is in any way, and let’s forget the ridiculously overused word “fair” for a moment, LOGICAL that you should be forced to take your share of their LOSS? Tell me, please. Then, if you think you can do that, kindly go buy me, say, $2,000 worth of lottery tickets and hand them over to me. If all of the tickets are duds, then you just wasted 2 grand. If I win, then I get to keep all the winnings and you can kindly go fuck yourself. Makes perfect “sense”, doesn’t it?

Simple.  Eloquent.  Perfect.  Go read the rest.  He’s not as pissy as I am today, and he’s much more diplomatic.  Therefore, I will repeat his sentiments, because they echo mine so beautifully, it would be a shame not to disseminate them.

And that’s exactly where the “lesser of two evils” mantra got us, because those asshats that are now about to throw another trillion dollars or so worth of debt in the laps of us and our children, their children and their children’s children were ELECTED BY US. That’s what you get from choosing compassionate conservatism socialism instead of progressivism socialism.

Surprise sur-fucking-prise, you end up with, guess what? SOCIALISM.

UPDATE ZEE SECOND:  Looks like the feds are doing a little investigating into the recipients of our earnings.  I wonder how many politicians will be swept up in this mess…

The FBI is
investigating four major U.S. financial institutions whose collapse
helped trigger a $700 billion bailout plan by the Bush administration,
The Associated Press has learned.

Two
law enforcement officials said Tuesday the FBI is looking at potential
fraud by mortgage finance giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and
insurer American International Group Inc. Additionally, a senior law
enforcement official said Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. also is under
investigation.

The inquiries will focus on the
financial institutions and the individuals that ran them, the senior
law enforcement official said.