As I near the completion of my MA in National Security Studies, I begin to wonder what’s next… what’s in store for me?  What do I do next?

When one of my favorite professors sent me information about working toward my Ph.D, I scoffed at first.  I have spent several years working on my Master’s degree – between deployments, kids, work, writing, etc.  It took a while, but I’m almost finished.  I have one more class to go after I finish this one, and then I take my comprehensive exam.  I could be done and relaxing by the end of January.  So why is it that the letters P, H, and D keep trolling in my psyche?

I was never a good student at Hopkins.  I would venture to say that I was rather stupid, actually.  I spent a whole lot of time engaging in the time-honored tradition of underaged drinking, more time sleeping off hangovers, even more time with my theater group, rehearsing, and very little time actually studying or going to class.  My sophomore year did not begin well.  I finished spring semester of freshman year on academic probation.  I believe I didn’t break a 1.0.  It was rather sad. 

I buckled down somewhat during the last three years of my university career – enough to graduate with a 2.89 average.  Compared to the rest of my friends, I was a dolt.  I had no idea what I was doing at Hopkins or why I had merited an academic scholarship. 

After I joined the Army and began my course of study at DINFOS (Defense Information School), which was located at Ft. Ben Harrison in 1994, I wasn’t much better.  Yes, it was a military school.  Yes, the rules were a lot stricter.  Yes, we were on lockdown most days.  But that didn’t stop me from sneaking out, engaging in lurid, debauched activities such as drinking, smoking and sex, and generally making an ass out of myself. I graduated with a decent GPA, while expending minimal effort on schoolwork, and maximum effort on partying. (I’m sure the Best Western employees on Post Road remembered me and my crazy band of friends, including several hardcore partying Marines, for a long time.)  I cared about my schoolwork… just not that much.

So when I began working on my MA in 2001, I wasn’t sure what came over me.  All of a sudden, little creaky parts of my brain that had atrophied during my college and Army years began showing signs of life.  I received my first “A” and then my second and third, and all of a sudden, the nerd part of me jumped up and down and screeched that it liked having a 4.0 average!

It took a while.  I took a three-year break to allow my ex to finish his degree.  I got deployed to Louisiana, and then to Kosovo.  But during my Kosovo deployment, I began working on the MA once again.  It was pretty stressful, mainly because my boss was a festering yambag of the highest order, and it made work unbearable, which made me want to do nothing but sleep when I got back to my hooch, instead of working on homework.  I discovered that I actually cared about my grades (I currently have a 3.91 average), and that it was hard work keeping them at that level.  In high school, all I had to do to get an “A” was stay awake long enough to remember what the teacher’s face looked like in all my AP classes.

So I’m close to attaining my goal.  It hasn’t been easy.  I could be relaxing and enjoying myself after I finish this degree.  So why am I even considering a Ph.D?  Because I’m crazy that’s why!  I’m completely insane.  I obviously do not have enough to do with two kids, one fat dog, three fat cats, two jobs and this blog!  So I’m actually considering it.  I’m considering going for my doctorate!

Will someone please slap me and inject some sanity into my empty skull!  If I were objective, I’d tell myself I was crazy to go for yet another degree.  I’d tell myself to relax and enjoy the accomplishment.  But since I’m not objective, but much more of an overachieving asshat, I’ll probably wind up going for it.

Someone talk some sense into me!!!