Remember when a few weeks ago I got extremely angry and urged all of you to take immediate action to stop the crap sandwich bailout?  I don’t know how many of you did it, but I did write both my Senators and my Congressleech.  I got a hard copy letter from Frank Wolf’s office explaining why using my earnings to prop up crappy decisionmakers was a good idea – an eight-page or so – letter.  I didn’t bother.  I’d heard all the excuses.

I didn’t expect a reply from John Warner.  That wrinkled, old piece of tortoise shit couldn’t be bothered to actually respond to his constituents.  That would mean he’d have to crawl out of his coffin long enough to instruct one of his cronies to write a letter explaining why socialism is great.

I did, however, get an email from the office of Jim Webb – the other douchebag Senator… three weeks later.  Maybe the post office is to blame… the e-post office.  Um.  Yeah.

So…  here’s what his crony staffer wrote:


Ms. Donna Blake
******* ****** Court
Oakton, VA 22124

(Erm, yeah, apparently my name just got changed)



Dear Friend:


Thank you for contacting my office regarding the turmoil in the financial markets that has compromised the solvency of several U.S. financial institutions and has threatened our nations economy.  I appreciate your taking the time to share your specific views and concerns. 


**I can’t believe you’re forcing me to reply to you, peon!  I mean, really!  The damn thing passed already, so suck it up.  Your views and concerns don’t matter!


For many years, I have said that the current Administration has failed to exercise appropriate oversight of the nations [sic.] banking and corporate sectors, and has promoted policies that reward Wall Street at the expense of Main Street.  The Administrations [sic.] actions are largely responsible for our current economic crisis, which resulted in President Bushs September 2008 proposal to help restore soundness to U.S. credit markets.

**For many years, I’ve had my head stuck so far up Skeletor Pelosi’s ass, that I failed to see that it was overregulation that caused a lot of this mess, and that the Republicans tried to fix it.  Hell, one certain Republican tried to fix it in 1995 – DURING CLINTON’S PRESIDENCY – but that’s OK.  Skeletor Pelosi says it’s BushMcChimpySmirkyHalliburton’s fault, and I believe her.  Oh… and my lackeys can’t tell the difference between plural and possessive.


I opposed the original hastily-written and woefully inadequate financial sector bailout bill proposed by President Bush.
**It just didn’t have enough giveaways.


In the nearly two weeks after the Presidents [sic.] proposal, the U.S. Congress radically changed the original bill to better protect taxpayers and to ensure greater Congressional oversight.  I am pleased that the bipartisan compromise legislation to stabilize our nations economic system (H.R.1424), which the Senate passed on October 1, 2008 by a bipartisan vote of 74-25, bore no resemblance to the original Bush proposal.
**It had a lot more pork, and it was a crap sandwich, as Boehner put it, but it sucked a little less because the Democrats loaded it with more crap to make a bigger sandwich. We couldn’t let the Bush administration take all the credit, now could we?


I understand the concerns raised by many Virginians about certain provisions of this legislation that may have been beyond the scope of the bills [sic.] intended purpose.  However, I was not given the opportunity to offer amendments to the legislation, and as with any bipartisan initiative, compromise is necessary in order to advance our nations priorities.
**And if I had the opportunity to offer amendments, I would have been the hero who saved the day!  I would have destroyed this pernicious giveaway of taxpayer dollars!  I would have… loaded it with more pork that benefitted my party and called it a heroic compromise for the people.


After much deliberation, I voted to support the Senates economic rescue legislation.  I reached my decision based on the reality that this legislation provides the only possible opportunity that will be offered in the U.S. Congress this year to address our nations economic crisis.

**Never mind that there really is no crisis, that we’re still exhibiting positive growth and that unemployment and inflation numbers are enviable compared to the rest of the world, and that the bailout fiasco did nothing to stop the freefall of the markets last week.  I looked all Senatorial – like I was doing something!  Yay, me!



Throughout the bills [sic.] negotiations, I was outspoken in support of several basic principles that are essential for the future economic well-being of our country.  For example, I wrote a letter to Senate Banking Committee Chairman Chris Dodd only one day after U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson announced the original plan.  I spoke twice on the Senate floor about the proposal.  Moreover, I led an effort to convince the Senate Majority Leader to incorporate these principles in any legislation, including them in a letter that was co-signed by eight of my Senate colleagues.  The fundamental principles that I raised included:<O




  • A grave concern about the transfer of so much financial power and discretion to one individual in the executive branch of government, and the lack of a clear mechanism for the oversight of this unprecedented power;


  • The need for proper limits on executive compensation, and a guarantee that the executives who mismanaged our financial markets not be unjustly enriched by a taxpayer bailout;


  • The need for a guarantee that the American taxpayer be able to share directly in any benefits gained by the rescue legislation;


  • Appropriate limits on the ability of foreign institutions to participate in the program; and


  • The release of federal funds for the program in installments in order to ensure that Congress can properly fulfill its oversight role, and to give Congress time to enact meaningful new reforms to the regulatory structure.

**Of course, there’s no concern about rewarding failure, monkeying with the free market, giving out loans to every Tom, Dick and Leroy, regardless of creditworthiness or forcing taxpayers to buy crap and somehow claiming that they will share in any “benefits” gained by the bailout.  Those aren’t concerns.  They’re principles.  And there’s no room for principles when the economy is at stake.


We were able to achieve significant progress in each of these areas.  In particular, I am pleased that the Senate included meaningful provisions in the bill to limit executive compensation and to give taxpayers the chance to share in any gains achieved through this legislation.  These provisions will help to restore taxpayer confidence in our financial system and ease the credit crunch that threatens economic growth.
**Pay no attention to the fact that the stock market fell flat on its face after the bailout became law.



The President signed the economic rescue legislation into law on October 3, 2008.  Going forward, I will work aggressively with members of Congress from both sides of the aisle to ensure that this new law is implemented fairly, and in a way that safeguards the American taxpayer.  Equally important, the next Congress must restore to our financial system a regulatory structure that will prevent this terrible chapter in American history from ever happening again.


**I have not read, nor have I understood the correspondence you sent me, and I will continue not only to do the same thing I’ve been doing, but I’ll work to ensure legislative meddling in the economy.


As Congress continues to address issues related to our nations economy and the well-being of hardworking Virginians, please be assured that your specific views and suggestions will be very helpful to me and my staff.  I hope that you will continue to share your thoughts with us in the years ahead.
**Luckily we have email, because my staff can’t toss your crappy letters into the circular file quickly enough.


I would also invite you to visit my website at www.webb.senate.gov for regular updates about my activities and positions on matters that are important to Virginia and our nation.

**That way you can see for yourself how good I am at bending you over and giving it to you up the poop shoot without any lubricant or reacharound.

                                                                        Sincerely  

Jim Webb<O


United States Senator

Douchebag. The festering kind.

UPDATE:  So apparently, they realized that they sent out a form letter to those who wrote, but failed to change the address.  Ergo, they fixed the mistake by sending me ANOTHER form letter – the same exact one – but with my correct address on it.