I live in a tiny little town.  It’s so small, it doesn’t even have a Wal Mart.  You actually have to go into Winchester for that.  We were only recently blessed with a Martin’s supermarket.  It’s pretty rural.  Lots of cows.  For those of you who don’t know, I gauge the rurality of a place by how many cows you can see when you drive through town.  There’s a lot of cattle.  Must be rural.  I’m a city girl.

When I woke up this morning, I turned on the news, just to be inundated with stories about people who stood outside all night to be the first in line to vote – as if it was some kind of weird rock concert.  I figured it’s par for the course for places like Alexandria and Fairfax.  They’re overcrowded as hell, so of course there would be a huge line waiting to vote!  What I didn’t expect was a horde of sleepy, pajama-clad residents to be literally spilling out the door of the polling place as soon as it opened!  As I turned the curved road toward the library, I saw police cars, POVs parked one on top of the other, and a long line of people spilling out to the sidewalk.  It was like a weird combination of a Bataan death march combined with TSA security lines and the waiting lines at Disney World!

But hey, I was happy that so many people had turned out to vote.  Most of the time I rail against the apathy exhibited by our electorate.  I was gratified that the apathy was replaced by a desire to have a voice in the government…

…until I overheard some of the conversation.

Some festering yambag in back of me was pontificating loudly how the long wait may be a conspiracy to disenfranchise.  Another one lamented, “Isn’t this what the communists used to do?”

This made me want to turn around grab said yambag by the throat and force his face into an automatic cheese shredder!

No, you used douchenozzle! That’s NOT what the communists used to do.  They used to give you one choice, you were forced to go in and cast your vote for said choice, and if you didn’t, invariably some snitch would rat you out to the “authorities” for a roll of toilet paper and a can of sardines.  Then they used the 100 percent voter turnout to support their contention that they had free elections!  Why, oh why, do these debilitating sub-retards live in my neighborhood, and do they really have to have the right to vote?

SIGH!

I tried not to talk to anyone.  I kept quiet, and kept my balled fists inside my leather jacket.  Considering how long the line appeared to be, I got into the voting booth relatively quickly.  The whole blasted process only took about 1/2 hour.  And then, I saw them!  The evil Bush/Cheney/Halliburton/Rove voting machines!  No, there were no paper ballots.  No chads.  No pencils and no way to get out of it now.  They were computers!  Evil machines created to silence the Democratic vote and prevent Hopeandchangitude from happening!  So I let the election official put some kind of gadget that looked like an old 8-track tape into the machine, and the damn thing clicked to life.  I cast my vote.  It took me two minutes, if that.  I realized that I had to follow my informed conscience.  I had to follow my best judgment.  And I cast my vote for…

None of your business, people!

My vote, just like my faith, is a private matter.  I do hate people who interrogate you after you’ve finished about who your choice was.  That’s why the voting booths are private.  That way you can cast your vote in peace without having some douchebag – government or otherwise – look over your shoulder and intimidate you into changing your vote.  Suffice it to say, you people know me well enough to know that a) I follow my conscience.  Always.  b) I never go into anything as important as an election uninformed.  c) I use my best judgment and d) I love my country, despite all her faults.

I’ll be curious to see what this “record turnout” will actually translate to in real numbers.  How many registered voters actually went out and made their voice heard today, and how many incumbents will return to Washington?  Because while it’s great that record numbers of voters care enough about the election to drag their hairy asses out of bed and vote, considering the abysmal numbers that usually cast ballots on Election Day, “record numbers” could still mean “less than 50 percent.”  We’re one of the very few nations in the world, whose population values its right to vote so little that we regularly have underwhelming numbers of people exercising that right on any given election day.  The fact that more people vote for American Idol than they do for those who will have the power to destroy our rights and freedoms disturbs me.  And besides, what use is it to have a record number of voters turn out, if they’re too stupid to do their research, don’t care to get informed on the candidates, and simply return the same stale marmoset shit to Washington to legislate our freedoms away?

I’m not going to watch the news tonight.  I’m going to cuddle with the kids, and occasionally check my computer in order to keep track of the impending train wreck.

Cheers!