Have I mentioned TSA is a bunch of moronic dillweeds?  If I haven’t lately, I’m mentioning this now.  I was reminded of this by two things:

1 – Superman’s account of my encounter with porcine TSA agent at BWI.

2 – This story here.

So there we were, standing in line, waiting on an anal probe to get through to our gate, so we could fly to New Orleans. As customary, I packed all of the larger, liquidy-type items into a Ziplock bag and tossed them into my baggage (for which I had to pay an extra $15 before we boarded, because airlines have to pad their profit line somehow). I ensured that shampoo, conditioner, body wash, facial toner, and even body spray to make me not smell like a monkey were tucked away in my baggage, lest the carry-on that contained my toiletry bag was ransacked. There wasn’t anything much in the toiletry bag.  Some make-up, a tooth brush, a hair brush and a small container of toothpaste that was only half full or so. I didn’t figure I’d have a problem.

I was wrong.

As I inched forward in line, the overweight, barely literate pig who was rummaging through my carry on, grabbed my toothpaste and  haughtily informed me that I needed to throw it away. 

What?

“You’re only allowed a three-ounce container, ma’am,” she lisped through her gold tooth. “This is a four-ounce container.” She then smugly handed me the little container of toothpaste, and pointed to the trash can.

WTF?

I didn’t want to cause a scene or tell this fat, minimum wage-deserving, overpaid twat what she can do with her four ounces. I simply turned around and tossed the little container of Colgate into the trash, muttering something to the effect of “Oh. My. Gawd.” under my breath.  But the porcine bitch just wouldn’t let it go!  “It’s for your security, ma’am!” she screeched at me in a condescending tone.

At that point, I’d had it. I walked right past her, and said, “I’ve spent time on active duty in the Army and was deployed with the Army National Guard, you fat, overpaid cunt. I think I understand the concept of national security.”  I’m not sure if she heard me, but I walked through without further incident.

Really. TSA spends a vast amount of time avoiding scrutiny of any male who looks swarthy and Middle-Eastern and happens to have an Arabic-sounding last name, but a small amount of toothpaste in the baggage of a person with a government ID is somehow a threat?  Wow.

To add a certain amount of pseudo-comedy to this particular circus, Superman explains, “I, being a special case by virtue ofmy leg, went through a different screening process with a differentscreener, and I was allowed to keep my tube of toothpaste, a fact whichonly added to Nicki’s outrage and sense of personal persecution.”  And by the way, his toothpaste tube was bigger than mine!

Morons, as he explains further.

Every time I have to deal with these clowns, I’m reminded of thatpriceless scene in the movie “Home Alone 2″, where the angry motherasks the hotel concierge (played masterfully by Tim Curry)what kind ofidiots they employ there, and Curry responds smugly: “The finest in NewYork!”

Curry should consider becoming a spokesman for TSA. He’s got it down perfectly.

Amen, brotha!

But now things have changed.  Things are different!  That’s right. TSA assclowns are no longer allowed to play crime fighters, and have been instructed to go back to being the overpaid, barely qualified, barely literate shitbags who confiscate passengers’ manicure scissors in the name of national security, as the second story explains.


An angry aide to Rep. Ron Paul, an iPhone and $4,700 in cash haveforced the Transportation Security Administration to quietly issue twonew rules telling its airport screeners they can only conduct searchesrelated to airplane safety.

In response, the American Civil Liberties Union is dropping itslawsuit on behalf of Steve Bierfeldt, the man who was detained in Marchand who recorded the confrontation on his iPhone as TSA and localpolice officers spent half an hour demanding answers as to why he wascarrying the money through Lambert-St. Louis International Airport.

The new rules, issued in September and October, tellofficers “screening may not be conducted to detect evidence of crimesunrelated to transportation security” and that large amounts of cashdon’t qualify as suspicious for purposes of safety.

“We had been hearing of so many reports of TSA screenersengaging in wide-ranging fishing expeditions for illegal activities,”said Ben Wizner, a staff lawyer for the ACLU, pointing to reports ofofficers scanning pill-bottle labels to see whether the passenger wasthe person who obtained the prescription as one example.

Yeah.  If TSA clowns want to play detective, they should go to detective school or something.

Don’t you feel safer now?