I can has rights?

Courtesy of Oleg Volk
Just thought I’d give you a little Paul Helmke asshole to English translation service.

Paul Helmke, president of Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, told KIRO Radio’s Dave Ross on Wednesday there has been a recent surge in customers carrying unconcealed weapons into California stores.

Translation: Paul Helmke, president of the Brady Campaign to destroy the Second Amendment told KIRO Radio’s Dave Ross on Wednesday that he’s shitting his pants in fear, because citizens DARE to exercise their Second Amendment rights.

Helmke explained that people in large groups are banning together and carrying their guns unconcealed into businesses to flaunt their Second Amendment rights.

Translation: Helmke explained that people in large groups are exercising their rights, and that upsets him, because even through technically the Bill of Rights protects the right to keep and bear arms, people shouldn’t actually assert that right, because it scares him.

“Really, what’s happened since that Supreme Court decision is the gun lobby is pushing more of this ‘let’s take more guns more places with more people,’ instead of trying to figure out how do we make sure there’s background checks on all sales,” said Helmke.

Translation: We lost, so now we’re moving the goal posts.  See, it’s a lot easier to kill the Second Amendment gradually, instead of trying to eradicate gun rights in one decision.  So now we’re going to push the bogus “background check” argument, even though all FFLs are already required to perform background checks on those wishing to purchase handguns, because our real goal is to control private sales.

Helmke said they asked area businesses to decide whether to allow gun carrying customers into their stores or refuse them business. The policies are similar to those not allowing topless or shoeless customers through the door.

Translation: Helmke and his gang of misanthropic monkeys are putting pressure on private enterprise to do their bidding.

“When Starbucks was asked about it, they said they don’t have a policy on it and they follow state law,” said Helmke. He added, “That bothers people that go to these restaurants and it concerns us because we believe that it actually raises the chances there’s going to be some gun violence, or a mistake or a confrontation.”

Translation: Starbucks told us to get bent, so we’re making the spurious claim that people are bothered by guns in order to pressure Starbucks to cave to our hoplophobic, unreasonable demands.  Starbucks prefers to let the free market decide, and that bothers us, even though there’s absolutely no statistical or anecdotal evidence that supports our panty-shitting fears about increased gun violence in places that support the citizens’ right to keep and bear arms.

“We’re concerned that Starbucks isn’t listening to its customers who would like to get a coffee without somebody carrying a gun,” said Helmke.

Translation: Starbucks is too stupid to decide for itself what is good for its business, and we will hide behind these vague claims of customer concerns to push our political agenda under the guise of giving a shit about customer safety.

“More guns usually leads to more gun violence,” said Helmke.

Translation: I’m a lying sack of perfidious shit. 

Evidence: “There’s no clear relationship between more guns and higher levels of violence.”  – Keith Krause, Project Director, Small Arms Survey project, Graduate Institute of International Studies, Geneva, 2007

And here’s your money shot:

He admitted they haven’t been able to measure an increase in gun violence since a recent push to ‘pack heat’ in public, but cited past studies that show the more guns in a home, community, etc. increases the chances for gun violence.

I can has rights?