Best $24.95 you’ll ever spend

If you’re adventurous.

If you’re unafraid.

If you’re batshit crazy.

If you want to oog your dinner guests out.

This cookbook is for you.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

This book hopes to change that.

Yes, the chef/author is a guy.  Yes, he has a website – and I encourage you to guess what the URL is without looking inside the cover!

Yes, it includes drinks.

Yes, there’s a man-made oyster recipe!

And yes, it includes the following sentence:  The joy derived from dining on these dishes comes primarily from knowing that the semen is in there.

Bon appetit!

h/t Mike

The Symbolism Survey

In 1963, a high school student named Bruce McAllister sent a four-question survey to 150 well-known authors, asking them whether they consciously planted symbolism in their work and three other related questions. The Paris Review published details about this fascinating project and even posted digital copies of the responses. Authors included Ray Bradbury, Jack Kerouac, Saul Bellow and Ayn Rand, among others.

His project involved substantial labor—this before the Internet, before e-mail—but was not impossible: many authors and their representatives were listed in the Twentieth-Century American Literature series found in the local library. More impressive is that seventy-five writers replied—most of them, in earnest. Sixty-five of those responses survive (McAllister lost ten to “a kleptomaniacal friend”). Answers ranged from the secretarial blow off to a thick packet of single-spaced typescript in reply.

Replies ranged from short and arrogant (Kerouac) to polite blow-offs both from writers (Norman Mailer, apologizing for not having the time to reply to the survey, as it required in-depth answers) and secretaries, informing him of the author’s inability to reply.

I met Ray Bradbury my freshman year in college. He stopped by to give an informal lecture, and because he was one of my favorite authors, I decided to attend. I also got a chance to have a short conversation with Mr. Bradbury after his speech, and he autographed my book.  Cool, eh?

What struck me about Bradbury is how genuine he was, how much he truly appeared to care about his art, how kind and patient he was, speaking to everyone who approached him and taking the time to discuss every imaginable topic. He and I got onto the subject of what makes one human. I remember him telling me that he considered not committing murder to be the first sign of humanity. “A dog can be human too,” he told me. Mr. Bradbury is a beautiful soul, and his reply to McAllister’s survey reflects that kindness and caring I saw a few years ago at school.

Playing around with symbols, even as a critic, can be a kind of kiddish parlor game. A little of it goes a long way.  There are other things of greater value in any novel or story… humanity, character analysis, truth on other levels, etc., etc. Good symbolism should be as natural as breathing… and as unobtrusive.

Good luck, and best wishes from,

Ray Bradbury

Contrast this beautiful, subtle teaching moment to Ayn Rand’s condescending handwritten reply addressing the student’s definition of symbolism:

This is not a “definition,” it is not true – and therefore, your questions do not make sense.

Now, I like Rand’s work. I like the ideas in her books, and I consider “We the Living” to be one of her best novels – likely because I feel a kinship with the setting and the characters, having been born in the USSR and having spent the first eight years of my life there. I’ve never been a fan of her actual writing. The dialogue is clumsy.  The characters lack dimension and depth.  The repetitive preachiness makes me think she believed her readers to be unbearably stupid, which required her to beat them over the head with her philosophy until they vomited.  Her tendency to describe every brick and pebble, using the most trite similes is grating and dull. I appreciate her philosophy, but the reading is often laborious, to say the least.

But that aside, she strikes me as an insufferable bitch! Condescending, pedantic, parsimonious and petty. Not a sign of graciousness or even a shred of courtesy.  Maybe the kid’s definition was woefully inadequate. Maybe his survey questions were inappropriate.  Maybe his writing style was amateurish.  Whether or not her analysis of his writing was accurate is irrelevant. Her rude reply shows her to have been an unbearable, conceited lout, who chose to have no consideration or respect for others.

No, she no obligation toward this boy. She wasn’t required to be polite to him or even reply to his questions. But the fact that she chose to be a pernicious jerk speaks volumes about the kind of person she was.

Too bad.

I’m still a fan of her work – just not her as a person.

 

Williamson does it again

I’ve always enjoyed Michael Williamson’s novels in the Freehold universe. I remember writing a review for “Freehold,” and thinking, “I really want to move there.”  His new one “Rogue” his one is no exception. The book contains the hi-speed, lo-drag action we’ve come to expect from Mike’s work, but the thought behind the character, his mental and emotional trauma despite being a highly-trained military operative, and the effort Williamson spent developing the character was really top notch. I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to preview the novel in its earlier stages, but my assessment of its quality has not changed since the book’s release.

When we last read about Kenneth Chinran in “The Weapon,” he was dealing with his own demons after destroying Earth’s infrastructure and causing the deaths of millions of people. This is a character with a conscience and a depth of emotion. He had to deal with the deaths of his teammates. He had to take care of his small daughter. He had to confront his own guilt about destroying millions of innocent lives despite the knowledge that the destruction he and his team wreaked was essentially self defense.

In this novel, Chinran (now using the name “Dan”) is forced to confront another demon – a rogue operative from his team, originally thought dead and now working as a paid assassin. Assigned to stop the rogue by the very man who ordered the attack on earth in the previous book, and who ostensibly was responsible for the consequences, Chinran must work with a relatively inexperienced troop and deal with his own memories and traumatic experiences.

I won’t say any more than this about the plot, because I don’t want to ruin it. I will say that while I enjoy the action and adventure in the novel, I love being dropped into this libertarian-leaning society and exploring the depths of a mind (Chinran’s) that has dealt with trauma, the exhilaration, the horrors of war, the difficulties and doubts that come with military service and protecting his homeland and his way of life.

I can’t imagine it’s a foreign concept to many of the readers here, given how many military vets visit this blog.

If you’re wondering whether you should run right out and get this book…

Yes, you should.

At once.

And by the way, if you enjoy Mike’s work… if you think it’s thoughtful and real and fun… get the book today to get him ranked on the on the New York Times list.  I think after all his hard work he deserves it.

Rogue is here!!!

I interrupt my usual ranting for an update. My friend Mike’s new book is out!  I’ve been waiting a while for this one, mostly because I read the ideas for the original a loooooooooong time ago, and now it’s here!

So cool thing is, you can get your advance order in. Not only that, but Mike will sign it. 

We are taking advance orders for signed copies of his upcoming novel, Rogue. There will not be an in-store autographing; the books will be shipped to us pre-signed. Sorry, no inscriptions or personalizations are possible. There will be a limited number of signed copies; to ensure availability, please order no later than Saturday, April 30th. Your credit card will not be charged until your order is ready to ship (the book is expected to arrive around September 6th).

Go. Get. Read. Now. Go.

Nearly done

I’ve been under the weather lately, fighting an annoying snot-filled bug that just doesn’t seem to want to go away, so my reading has been slow.  Nonetheless, I’ve been reading Mike Williamson‘s “Do Unto Others” for the past few weeks, and I have to say it’s GOOOOD.  I’ll post a full review when I’m actually finished with the novel, but I can honestly say you’ll enjoy it (although, I guarantee that even if you get it autographed by the author, your inscription will be much less colorful, inventive and smartassy than mine!).

For those of you who enjoyed Freehold (my review of it can be found here), you’ll see Mike’s writing as more grown-up and flowing these days. I recently reread his first book, and I can see how his writing style has matured. And as much as I loved Freehold (I was one of the first to read and appreciate it, I think), Mike’s writing is getting better and better with age.

(I don’t mean you’re getting old Mike!  OK… maybe a little. he he)

So go and read it.  You’ll love it.  Trust me.