Good for you, NFL!

Politico reports today that the NFL stood up proudly in support of Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo’s right to free speech, after a pathetic, tyrannical, parasitic turd burglar by the name of Emmett C. Burns Jr. tried to use his authority as a Maryland Assembly Delegate to force Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti to “inhibit [his] expressions” in support of gay marriage.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell on Wednesday defended Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, whose public support for gay marriage prompted a Maryland state lawmaker to write a letter to the team’s owner asking him to silence his player.

“I think in this day and age, people are going to speak up about what they think is important. They speak as individuals and that’s an important part of democracy,” Goodell said at POLITICO’s Playbook’s Lunch with Mike Allen.

Thank you, Mr. Goodell, for standing up for the individual rights of NFL players.

As for Emmett C. Burns Jr., apparently his “faith” isn’t as important to him as race. He initially withdrew his support for Obama when he came out (no pun intended) in support of marriage equality. But then, suddenly… OH, nevermind! I’ll support Obama, because uh… Mitt Romney, he doesn’t have a record, except as governor of Massachusetts (huh???)… and uh… Yeah… Obama… I’ll support him anyway.

Not only does he not comprehend the whole concept of the First Amendment, he’s a hypocrite to boot!

 

Thank you, Chris Kluwe!

Just thought I’d explain why I decided to write the previous post. It was an open letter from Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe to elected Maryland moron Emmett C. Burns Jr. who last week wrote a letter to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to trample the freedom of speech of Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, who has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. “Inhibit such expressions from your employee,” Burns told Bisciotti!

Really, Mr. Burns?

Just who the flying, festering fuck do you think you are? Just who gave you the authority to put pressure on private citizens to conform to your personal religious views? And just why do you feel you have any right to pressure a private organization into inhibiting free speech?

Since when do elected officials have the right to infringe upon individuals’ right to free speech? To me, that’s a serious abuse of power.

As for his ignorance, I think Chris Kluwe addresses that better than I ever could!

This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

Do yourselves a favor and read the rest of the open letter I linked to above.

I’ll always be an Eagles fan (but seriously, guys, one-point win over the Browns??? Really???), but I may start rooting for the Vikings as well!

 

 

Assholes for Allah

Literally.

And for those of you who say “EWWWWWWW!” I agree. Wholeheartedly.

Not only did the original “underwear bomber” Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri hide explosives in his rectum to assassinate Saudi Prince Muhammad bin Nayef—they met in 2009 after the 22-year-old Asiri “feigned repentance for his jihadi views”—but this “holy-warrior” apparently had fellow jihadists repeatedly sodomize him to “widen” his anus to fit the explosives—and all in accordance with the fatwas of Islamic clerics.

A 2010 Arabic news video that aired on Fadak TV gives the details. Apparently a cleric, one Abu al-Dema al-Qasab, informed al-Asiri and other jihadis of an “innovative and unprecedented way to execute martyrdom operations: place explosive capsules in your anus. However, to undertake this jihadi approach you must agree to be sodomized for a while to widen your anus so it can hold the explosives.

And apparently, even though Islam opposes homosexuality and a number of Islamic nations actually execute or mutilate gays, it’s perfectly OK to have your asshole violated by other men as long as you’re doing it for the sake of Jihad.

However, jihad comes first, for it is the pinnacle of Islam, and if the pinnacle of Islam can only be achieved through sodomy, then there is no wrong in it. For the overarching rule of [Islamic] jurisprudence asserts that ‘necessity makes permissible the prohibited.’ And if obligatory matters can only be achieved by performing the prohibited, then it becomes obligatory to perform the prohibited, and there is no greater duty than jihad. After he sodomizes you, you must ask Allah for forgiveness and praise him all the more. And know that Allah will reward the jihadis on the Day of Resurrection, according to their intentions—and your intention, Allah willing, is for the victory of Islam, and we ask that Allah accept it of you.

Murder? No problem. As long as you’re doing it for jihad. Having other men stretch your asshole so you can use it as a storage facility? No problem.

And I thought the Crotchbomber was bad! I wondered how much hate you had to have for your enemy that you’re willing to set your junk on fire for Allah. Now we have guys willing to indulge in acts specifically forbidden by their religion FOR their religion.

Does that make your head hurt?

How about your ass?

Splodeydopes warn against a new threat

Tomatoes.  I shit you not.

The group posted a photo on its page of a tomato – which appears to reveal the shape of a cross after being cut in half – along with the message: “Eating tomatoes is forbidden because they are Christian. [The tomato] praises the cross instead of Allah and says that Allah is three (a reference to the Trinity).

[God help us]. I implore you to spread this photo because there is a sister from Palestine who saw the prophet of Allah [Mohammad] in a vision and he was crying, warning his nation against eating them [tomatoes]. If you don’t spread this [message], know that it is the devil who stopped you.”

Wow!

Just when you thought they couldn’t get anymore bass ackwards.

The latest threat to all good Muslims.

NOT Bob Marshall – no way!

Virginia’s Republican primary will take place on June 13. There are four candidates vying for the chance to reclaim one of our Senate seats:

George Allen (of the “macaca” fame)

Jamie Radtke (of the Virginia Tea Party fame)

E.W. Jackson (of the S.T.A.N.D. fame)

And Bob Marshall (of the penis fame)

While I haven’t yet decided for whom I’ll cast my primary vote, I can tell you one thing – it will not be Bob Marshall.

It’s not because he happens to be a social conservative. I know plenty of those. They don’t bother me unless they try to shove their religiosity down my throat. But Marshall is a frothing fundamentalist fruitcake of the highest order.

This is the same Bob Marshall who fought to prevent single women from getting artificial insemination. Because, it’s apparently OK for him to stick his rather large, craggy proboscis up the vaginal canals and into the uteruses (uteri?) of Virginia’s women.

This is the same Bob Marshall who claimed that disabled children were divine retribution for abortion!

This is the same Bob Marshall who is so afraid of catching TEH GHEY™ that he attempted to prevent gay service members from serving in the Virginia National Guard by claiming that repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy will erode morale and weaken recruiting and retention. Of course, Bob has never actually served in the military himself in any capacity, but apparently feels himself erudite and experienced enough to speak for the military.

Well, guess what. DADT repeal did not do a damn thing to upend, upset or otherwise hinder our military.

Not that Bob Marshall would care, because he’s so rationally upset at the thought of two people of the same gender spending their lives together and sleeping in one bed, that he will do anything and say anything to prevent this from happening.

His latest “victory” is his successful leadership of the effort to block an openly gay man from becoming a district judge, citing his concerns that Tracy Thorne-Bergland has a “pattern of behavior” as an activist for some radical gay agenda.

And what makes Bob Marshall say this?

Thorne-Bergland apparently came out of the closet while he was serving his nation in the military to challenge the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the military. He committed the heinous crime of challenging a policy that doesn’t even exist any longer.

Thorne-Bergland “would have been an outstanding judge,” according to his boss, Richmond Commonwealth’s Attorney Michael N. Herring.

Thorne-Bergland is a former fighter pilot, who had broad bipartisan support from the Courts of Justice Committee for the judgeship, who is raising twins with his partner, but he committed the egregious act of wanting to serve his nation. TO SERVE. TO RISK HIS LIFE TO PROTECT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES. Serve while he was gay.

This somehow translates to a violation of his oath to Bob Marshall, who is obviously unfamiliar with the oath we take when we join the military.

[Thorne-Begland] had to misstate his background in order to be received into the military in the late 1980s. There was a specific question, “are you a homosexual?” He had to say no. He took an oath of office which he had to defy. . . . 

Could Bob please tell us where in the holy flying fuck he sees “I do solemnly affirm that I will not plug another guy in the ass” in that particular oath?

I, [name], do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

The whole regulation on gays in the military didn’t even come about until the 1940s.  It’s not in the oath of either enlistment or the oath officers take when they join the armed services. It’s not a promise, a vow or an oath. It was a regulation – one that has now been invalidated.

Bob continued digging by claiming that “sodomy is not a civil right.”

But our right to our own bodies is. It’s basic. There’s no property more private or basic than the right to own one’s own body, and by extension to do with it as we please.

But besides, that the “sodomy is not a civil right” claim has already been decided by the Supreme Court. Whether Bob agrees with the decision or not, constitutionally, the court decided in Lawrence v. Texas that sodomy between consenting adults is constitutionally protected. If Bob claims to love and respect the Constitution as much as he claims, how is he blatantly and willfully ignoring a SCOTUS decision that happens to go against his personal beliefs? SCOTUS is, after all, the nation’s highest court of appeals.

I guess, Bob feels it’s OK to ignore the Law of the Land if it involves two guys doing the horizontal mambo in their own homes.

Bob Marshall doesn’t have respect for the Constitution, for personal rights or for the very basic right to control our own bodies. Does anyone really expect him to protect their rights in Washington?

So no. This drooling, ignorant cretin won’t be getting my vote. And if he, by some miracle, he manages to get the GOP nomination, I’ll gladly vote for Tim Kaine.