Asking for Trouble

Remember my last blog post about the warped mommy with the breastfeeding exhibitionist kink?

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking.

Mom enough?

OK, I have to say this.

MOM ENOUGH????

As a mom, I’m really kind of creeped out by this. Not that I don’t respect women who breastfeed. I do. There are very good reasons to do so.

It’s healthy.

It’s natural.

It’s easier for a baby to digest.

It’s a way to pass on antibodies.

I get it.

But when you have a kid who’s old enough to play little league, maybe – JUST MAYBE – that’s enough!

At that point, it’s no longer for the child. It’s for the mother.

It’s a way to keep a child attached and dependent on her.

It’s a way to boost the mother’s ego.

It’s an easy way out to quiet a fussy kid. He screams? Just shove a tit in his mouth!

It’s about the mother’s inability to let go and allow her child to develop and learn.

And for some mothers (yes, I know ones like this), it’s a way to avoid going back out into the world – a way to avoid working – a reason to stay at home. “Well, I can’t go out and get a job! My baby depends on me! I’m still breastfeeding!” Never mind, the kid is now taking karate lessons and going to school!

This chic attachment parenting bullshit has been making me crazy for years.

No, you don’t need to share your bed with your infant at night. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. He needs to develop a set schedule. And hell, you and your spouse/significant other need some damn time to yourselves as well. Trust me, you aren’t doing yourselves any favors by sharing your bed with your baby. Besides the risk of one of you rolling over and squishing him, you do need rest.

No, you don’t need to breastfeed a four-year old! He’s old enough to eat solid foods. He’s gotten about all he’s going to get out of your breast milk. At this point it’s about you, not about him!

Yes, you do need to allow your child to explore the world around him, without being constantly attached to you. That’s how they learn. That’s how they develop.

Yes, your precious punkin will survive if you don’t slather him in antibiotic gel and wrap him in bubble wrap! And no, you Munchhausen by Proxy-ridden hypochondriac – your kid isn’t fragile and sensitive to eggspeanutsglutenscornsyrupwhatevertheboogiemanofthedayhappenstobe, so stop treating him like he’ll break the moment he leaves your sight!

Seriously, folks. Some common sense please?

Yeah, I’m mom enough.

I am raising two intelligent, curious, courageous, independent, healthy children.

I’ve taught them common sense, logic, courtesy and personal responsibility.

Yes, I breastfed the Redhead, but I put him to bed when it was time, I set a schedule for him and I helped him become an independent human being.

Yes, I bonded with him. I sang him songs in a rocking chair at night before putting him in his bed. I played with him. I taught him how to do simple jigsaw puzzles when he was two years old.

But I didn’t force him to be dependent on me by keeping him attached to my breast until he could read.

I didn’t stroke my own ego by having a small human glued to me, vulnerable, with me as his security blanket and savior.

So yes, I’m mom enough.

An open letter to those who have a problem with Tommy Jordan’s parenting

First, a bit of background:

About a week ago, a guy named Tommy Jordan made a YouTube video to his daughter Hannah.

Apparently, Hanna had a bit of a problem with the chores she was asked to do, and posted her displeasure on Facebook, making a considerable effort to hide the whiny post from her parents.

Tommy Jordan is an IT professional, and there was no hiding the post, so when he saw it, he made a video just for her.

It would behoove you to watch this video, but should you decide not to, Tommy Jordan told Hannah exactly why her petulant, puerile complaint about having to provide a modicum of help around the house was invalid, why it was inappropriate, and why he was going to ground her.  He then proceeded to shoot her laptop with his .45.

The video went viral in mere days, with kudos pouring in from all over the country.

After all, it’s about time someone showed our entitled little brats that their possessions are not an entitlement, that they do have responsibilities to live up to and that as long as they live in their parents’ homes and their parents purchase their stuff, they have the right to ask them to help around the house.

Well, apparently, some people don’t think so.  According to a follow-up story, Tommy Jordan got a visit from the authorities, because some sniveling, interfering excuses for whining sub-human creatures decided to call the police and dispatch Child Protective Services to Mr. Jordan’s home.

The former Marine wrote on his Facebook page that Child Protective Services officials came to his home in Stanly Co. on Saturday and interviewed him and his daughter — separately — after viewers of the video called with concerns about his actions.

He said the police also stopped by.

“The police by the way said ‘Kudos, sir,’ ” Jordan wrote. “I actually had a “thank you” from an entire detectives squad. And another police officer is using it in a positive manner in his presentation for the school system. How’s about those apples? Didn’t expect THAT when you called the cops did you?”

Didn’t quite turn out as the blubbering shitslurpers hoped, now did it?

So here’s my open letter to them.

Dear Kvetching Malcontents -

It has come to my attention that you have soiled your collective diapers over Tommy Jordan’s video in which he shoots his defiant kid’s laptop. Some of you lost bowel and bladder control so severely, that you felt the need to contact the authorities and voice your whining displeasure at this man’s actions and demand that law enforcement and child protective services visit his home!

You. Are. What’s. Wrong. With. This. Society.

You don’t understand that as a parent he has a right to discipline his child.

You can’t comprehend that the disrespectful rant she posted on her Facebook is a slap in the face to the very people who make it possible for her to HAVE a Facebook account, let alone access to the Internet, a home, clothes, a cell phone and every other thing she possesses with their hard work.

You shit yourselves at the thought of a parent actually doing what’s right, because you’re either too stupid or too cowardly to do it yourselves.

Get this straight, you sanctimonious dildoes – kids need discipline. They need structure. And yes, sometimes they need to be shocked into remembering to be humble, grateful and responsible!

He is not her friend. He is her parent. He has an obligation to teach her right from wrong. And until she goes to work and earns her own way, he has the absolute right to take away anything he has given her.

You inadequate, miserable failures are the same types who insist that teachers never yell at your precious munchkins, even if they act like disrespectful assclowns in class.

You brainless maggots are the same types who demand that children not be allowed to fail in class, because it scars their little egos.

You unctuous fucknozzles are the ones who think your spawn’s feelings are more important than discipline, personal responsibility, hard work and achievements.

You. Are. The. Problem.

Obviously you pusillanimous jackholes can’t even stomach the sight of a gun, so you got piously appalled, and you called the police on this man, even though he did absolutely nothing illegal, and was well within his right to do so.

You wasted law enforcement time and resources forcing them to investigate a man who did exactly what a good parent should do. He taught his child a lesson – something to which you pathetic, petty losers are obviously oblivious.

I guarantee you one thing: this man’s daughter will grow up to be a responsible, hard-working, respectful human being.

If God and Goddess forbid you assnuggets ever breed, yours will grow up to be whining, self-entitled assholes who think the world owes them.

I know the kind of people I want in this world. So please do me a favor and take yourselves out of the gene pool. I have a rusty butter knife available for your use.