*Names have been changed to protect the innocent

Sheila: I wonder if whoever wrote this paper was high at the time. How many times one can use the word “ostensibly” in one sentence?

Tom: So let me get this straight… economic growth in Country A will decline because of declining economic growth? WTF?

From an email from Sandy: I saw your blog and those My Little Pony guys! It’s like a bad episode of CSI!  What are those things called? Fluffers? (referring to Furries)

From my email in reply to Sandy (trying to avoid the email police searching for specific words): Well, fluffers are um… men or women in explicit films who… um… get the “star” of the film “ready” for their performance.

Sandy in reply: That was AWESOME use of PC!

Me to Jack on the way out: Hey, don’t forget to apologize for getting our evaluations to Ben two weeks late when you send them!

Jack in reply: I will salute with my middle finger as I send them!

Me to Jack in reference to a paper we’re evaluating: So they’re trying to say that this country’s poor infrastructure and lack of equipment will hinder command and control operations! REALLY? WHO KNEW?

Jack in reply: So how about we give it a 0.57 out of 3. It will look like we actually put some effort into the math.

Jack in reference to same paper: I hated to give it a 2 on this portion, because it’s so horrible. I argued with myself.

My boss and I in the elevator on our way to get coffee:

Me: Do you smell cookies?

Boss (Taking surreptitious look at overdressed woman in elevator with us and whispering): I think that’s her perfume.

Me (as soon as she exits the elevator): I could bite her!

Email conversation with Sandy:

Me: It’s surprising, but Tucker’s turds really aren’t that huge.

Sandy: I don’t believe you. A dog that size should have pony-sized poo!

Me: No, really. Rob said they were only about 5 inches in diameter when he took him out last night.

Sandy: Why is Rob measuring the size of Tucker’s poo?

Me: I don’t know. He was bored? Why are we discussing Tucker’s poo on a Friday afternoon?

Sandy: It’s Friday afternoon. There’s no work to be done.