There are (at least to me) some very obvious things out of which the government should keep its proboscis. You may agree or disagree about gun control, health care, education, any number of entitlement programs that keep indolent assholes on the dole, make local and state entities beholden to the Feds, etc.
But I can’t imagine you guys would disagree on the following utter ridiculosity!
I think the US Olympic team uniforms are just butt ugly. They make our athletes look like rejects from a private school. But do we really need Harry Reid out there screeching about them being made in China and demanding they be burnt? And worse yet, suggesting that all the athletes wear unitards? (read: tights) While I agree that our uniforms should have been manufactured here – just on damn principle – the Olympic Committee is a private entity, and it is free to do whatever the bloody hell it wants. And don’t you have a budget to pass or something, Harry?
Why the bleeding, oozing, stinking fuck was Congress involved in this whole baseball steroid mess? Why did they waste time with Roger Clemens? Once again, I ask – didn’t they have a budget to pass or something? What, did they already solve the nation’s problems? So soon?
Someone want to tell me why Orrin Hatch and Max Baucus stuck their collective dicks into the BCS? College football is a game, douchebags. Don’t you have better things to do?
Why the bleeding hell did they get involved in the NFL “Bounty” issue? Why? Luckily, they “magnanimously” backed off, claiming “Because of that willingness to address the issue, and due to the reforms the league is announcing after meeting with me today, I will withhold Congressional hearings on this matter and continue to work with the league and its players to ensure the league’s rules are sufficient and that nothing like these bounty programs ever happens again.” BAD,NFL! You’d better straighten up or Dick Durbin will spank your collective asses! Because they’re Congress, and they’re your fat momma, who inserts herself into your business, despite the fact that you’re a grownup and do not require her meddling.
Oh and boxing? Really? Have we solved every outstanding issue in this country? Are we now so free of responsibilities and aching for something to do that we need to get involved in fuggin’ BOXING, Congress?
Internet regulation! I don’t like piracy any more than you do, but Holy Toenail Fungus in a Sweater! Does Congress really need to get involved?
Internet gambling! What the hell is Congress doing trying to save us from ourselves?
Spending money on this shit. This list is amazing. Among the 30 douchebaggy things that your government is spending money on is $175,587 “to determine if cocaine makes Japanese quail engage in sexually risky behavior,” $200,000 on “a tattoo removal program” in Mission Hills, California, 2.6 million dollars to train Chinese prostitutes to drink responsibly, $1.8 million was spent on a “museum of neon signs” in Las Vegas, Nevada, and my favorite: $800,000 in “stimulus funds” to study the impact of a “genital-washing program” on men in South Africa
Marriage. Why the hell should it matter to the federal government whether two guys (or girls) want to form a union? What gives the federal government the authority to tell individuals what to do with their lives or whether they can spend their lives together “legally?” Do us all a favor and stay the fuck out of private matters, assholes.
And pass a bloody budget already!